Time is a Waste of Time – a Groundhog Letter to Madame Melina



From Groundhog Days – Intercourse on Time

By Melina Costello & David Arthur Walters

September 24, 2003

Madame Melina,

Time is a waste of time. For the life of me I cannot figure out why I am wasting so much time on the subject of time, especially in view of the fact that many thinkers who were and are much better versed than I am swear that time does not even exist in the first place! But others say it does exist. It would take me several lifetimes to catch up to the current position on time.

On the other hand, what difference does the subject matter make if art is for the sake of art? None. Even Nothing would do for a subject, and a far better subject to wax eloquent on without contradiction, for what does anyone really know about Nothing, or empty space, for that matter? Nothing! How absurd! However, seemingly absurd theories about time have gotten some serious results, so one has to brush up on what it’s all about or leave oneself open for ridicule.

Maybe I should take time off from time and devote more time to my ‘Two Emmas.’ Emma Woodhouse must be a bit miffed since I have devoted most of my time to Emma Bovary. But maybe not, maybe she thinks I am a dirty old man and is glad I’ve kept my mind off her. I think ‘Two Emmas’ might develop into a book. Why not? Sartre wrote three heavy volumes, The Family Idiot, ‘about’ Madame Bovary’s creator. Some say Sartre was just using yet another occasion to write his intellectual autobiography.

So what is it about this boringly abstruse subject, time? Too many readers have already said I’m writing over their heads. Maybe it’s just as well, because maybe I don’t know what I am talking about! I usually think I do, however. I’m very careful to do my best to figure out complex subjects then dig and dig and dig into the ideas of others far more advanced than I, at least until I get done and come up with some brilliant breakthroughs! But time? I’ve got to be kidding! It’s too complex. And one needs some higher language – like higher math, symbolic logic, that kind of stuff. I didn’t get past basic algebra because I kept getting caught up in basic questions like, what are numbers, anyway?

I am still puzzled about time. Oh! Déjà vu! I remember! Yes, I had a dream when I was a very young man, that I was to find and read a book about clocks. Yes, the title was The Secret of the Workings of a Clock.

Your Mister Groundhog


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