Death by Muck for Elder Abuse


Death by Muck

by David Arthur Walters

Proposed penalty for abusing ALF residents in swampy Florida

For People Who Neglect Poor Elderly and Mentally Challenged ALF Residents

Editorial by

David Arthur Walters THE MIAMI MIRROR

MIAMI BEACH—My heart was already racing from my second cup of coffee when I read the Miami Herald’s lead story on the front page this morning. By the time I had finished ‘Grand jury probes troubled ALFs’ the latest article in the rag’s “NEGLECTED TO DEATH,” I was infuriated, fit to indict, try and execute anyone at all involved in the abuse of poor elderly and mentally incapacitated persons wasting away in assisted living facilities in the swampy State of Florida.

Presuming that the Herald has gotten the facts right that led to the official investigation, the neglectful ALFs are chambers of horror into which poor helpless people are dumped. Those who resist are tied down and left to die of blood clots from the restraints, just for example. I felt my skin crawl at the thought of bloodthirsty bedbugs, and of rats scurrying across the floors, not to mention frustrated angels of death. I imagined Salpetriere, long before Princess Diana died there, when it was the dumping ground for Paris’ elderly and insane, a holding pen for prostitutes, and for criminals awaiting deportation to North America, before Dr. Phillippe Pierre stepped in with humanitarian reforms. I remember how the hospital was stormed during the Revolution, and compared the mob to Tallahassee politicians; 134 prostitutes were released, but 25 mentally ill women were dragged out into the streets in their chains and murdered.

Presuming the Herald’s horrendous accounts to be true, which I would fain do even though I have found a portion of a previous award-winning muckraking series to be untrue and probably libelous, I would first of all give the newspaper journalists, starting with investigative editor Mike Sallah, the highest possible award for muckraking, the Mucky-Muck Medal.

And then, still in a fit of rage, I would throw the caretakers, supervisors, executives, owners, regulators, legislators, and top officials, anyone for that matter who neglected or allowed the neglect to continue, into the foulest muck, having in mind the practice of ancient Chinese dynasts, who amputated the arms and legs of royal traitors and tossed them into latrines.

Yes, the penalty I would have imposed in all my fury, neglecting my liberal ideological religion, was certainly draconian: death by muck: eat the muck or not, the offenders shall die in the muck. Everyone is equally liable for the deaths in ALF. The charges would include both kinds of involuntary manslaughter: criminal negligence and constructive homicide, and aiding and abetting the same. As for those persons abused but not killed, the charge would be attempted manslaughter, with the same penalty upon conviction: death by muck.

Draconian indeed; let the punishment be a warning to voluntary murderers and abusers! The defense, “We accidentally put these persons to sleep forever because they wanted to take a nap,” shall only compound the crime wherever celebrities and propofol are not involved.

Now that I have calmed down somewhat, my liberal principles are coming to the fore. Let the matter be handled as it should be according to the current letter of the law, provided that the grand jury is supplied with Cuban coffee and runs amuck. As for the facts, whether or not they are true, everyone had better check on their elderly and mentally disturbed relatives confined to institutions; if you have none, go to an ELF, say you have an elderly relative, take a tour of the facility, post the infractions on the Internet and report them to the authorities.

If you are poor and getting old, and still have some wits about you, you might consider doing some research, leaving Florida in the muck if you can find a place where the elderly are treated better. Some parents in primitive times had their children stone them to death after thanking them for coming over to do the merciful deed, but that is illegal in this so-called civilized state.

# #

Condemned to Freedom – Can The Artist Escape?


‘Chaos After’ by Darwin Leon

Condemned to Freedom by David Arthur Walters

Analysis: Can the artist escape?

Leading an artistic life of illusionment with its plethora of possibilities might compose the best of all possible lives. If our conceptions of the world are necessarily illusions, then the artistic life is at least the true life. It may not be the good and beautiful life – that is up to the artist.

Why would any artist in her right mind want for anything when she can adopt a convenient illusion to sustain her? Well, mana might not drop out of heaven to feed her body, but the right attitude will go far towards getting her food and shelter and the tools to work with, or anything else for that matter; and, if any attitude whatsoever does not so obtain, she might still enjoy her mental life for what it is, an illusion, and say, “This is the best of all possible worlds because we make it so.”

The world is certainly a fact, but the opinions on facts vary within two categories: opinions that serve us well, and those that do not. Wherefore the sensible person for whom happiness is the highest human good would want to please herself with useful opinions about the facts. That person will certainly encounter painful facts no matter what her opinions of them might be. When the facts fly against her opinions, she might say, “To hell with the facts,” and press on in an attempt to realize at some more distant date her preferred illusion.

Of course a disillusioned woman may simply revise her opinions and venture forth confidently again, armed with another, more convenient illusion. Or she might simply despair and go nowhere, or paint a self-portrait and destroy herself along with it.

In any case, given the inertia of certain objective facts which impede the human will to absolute liberty, it is evident that, although we may be deceived in whole or in part about the nature of world, the world is not in itself an illusion as far as we are concerned. The world is quite real, and we are condemned to do something about it. Or, if you please, we are free to do something about it, and that freedom is always illusory to a certain extent.

Stoned Man Taken to Mental Hospital for Failing Metaphor Test


An anti-war demonstrator got stoned on horse tranquilizer and walked over to the White House to wish President Nixon a happy birthday and to warn him, citing Herman Melville’s Manichean Moby Dick, that the world was literally engaged in a war between Good and Evil. Wherefore the man was asked what it means when someone says that a man who lives in a glass house should not throw stones. When he gave the concrete reason, that the glass would break, it was determined that he was incapable of abstract thinking and must therefore be demented; he was taken into custody and whisked off to St. Elizabeth’s hospital for examination. But he escaped, and threw his identification into the Potomac because he had found out who he really was when a patient at the hospital referred to him as the son of god. He was arrested in Maryland for nonpayment of a bill for breakfast after taking a sign in a motel dining room (‘Please Help Yourself to the Food’) literally, having no money on him at all. His father paid the fine and sent him funds to venture to Manhattan, where he rented a room in a Masonic lodge converted to a hotel. He took the mirror off the wall, put a chair on it and sat on the chair because the sheriff in the Maryland jail had told him he had better reflect on what he was doing. When the Secret Service called on his family in the Midwest to inquire into his conduct, the agents discovered that he was writing a children’s book about whales.

Fortunately She Was Wearing Panties

A woman in the bike lane got her long skirt tangled in rear wheel sprocket and chain. She has a nose ring but she was fortunately wearing panties, so I had her remove dress, turned the bike upside down and rotated the wheel in the opposite direction of the entanglement Walla! The dress came free. She remembered what happened to Isadora Duncan. Sadder still were Isadora’s drowned babies and housekeeper. It was nice to meet an educated woman. She rejoiced that her paisley skirt was undamaged, then mounted her bike and went on her way.